Want to get to know me? Here’s TMI about my sex life

TMI sex survey

You know those will surveys that were popular a few years ago? Or maybe they were just popular with the people who forward things to me. Or maybe they’re still popular but not with anyone who’s inclined to forward things to me.

Well I’ve always thought I’d use this one if I ever got this far in my writing, as a kind of intro/practice/get to know me sort of deal. So here it is.

Feel free to share your thoughts, and by all means steal this if you’re moved to fill it out yourself (but no fair not sharing your answers with me!).

This is NOT a complete look at my life, so please keep looking if you’re looking for someone to hook up with, or have phone sex with, or watch me on my cam.

Here  goes:

Do you like it rough or sensual? I guess it depends entirely on my mood. I do both, and often enough that it’s impossible to say one is favored over the other, although I think sensual edges out rough. Sometimes I do both within a few minutes of each other. The other night I was on the receiving end of what might have been the roughest round of doggy style that I can ever remember, followed by about 30 minutes of the slowest missionary.  

Do you prefer to be with the opposite sex or the same sex? Or both? I’m straight. Oddly enough whenever I see porn I tend to watch the woman.

 How often do you like to have sex? How cliché is answering ‘as often as I can’? It’s true though. I’m not a once a month with the lights off type of person, and I’m a big believer in ‘fake it till you make it’, so I’ll power through even if I’m not in the mood sometimes.

Is sex a top priority for you? It DOESN’T rank higher than breathing, coffee, or food. Depends on the food though. And there are other sources of caffeine. So it’s not breathing, but it’s in the top four, and possibly the top three or even two.

Do you have sex face-to-face with your partner? Is this about position? Because that answer is SOMETIMES. Does it mean like phone sex, or skype, or thru the mail? Then I’ll say no, although I reserve the right to change my answer based on what MIGHT happen in the future, and to lie about the past.

How often do you get drunk and have wild, crazy sex with a complete stranger?Never have, even in my wild days, and I certainly don’t now. But I OFTEN have wild and crazy sex with my man and even by myself. And we’re both more fun than strangers.

How do you feel about one-night stands?Do what you’ve got to do I guess, but own your choices and their consequences. If you get your heart broke every time you do it, then you’re responsible for your own heartache if you keep doing it. And if you catch a disease or make a baby or break someone’s heart those are the outcomes of the choice. Live with it.

How many one-night stands have you had? None. With strangers.

What’s your favorite position? Standing at the ATM watching my hefty bag overflow with $50s. (A person’s as only as good as their dreams right?). Sex wise it depends on my mood. Whatever creates orgasms. 

Where’s your favorite place to have sex? Earth. So far……

Do you prefer to make love or fuck? I prefer to get naked(ish) and let the mood do the driving. Label it whatever you want, just get some noise canceling headphones if you’re in the next room.

Have you ever watched porn while having sex? Yes. And we usually lose interest about halfway through (sometimes sooner) and it ends up being background noise.

How long do you usually foreplay before doing the deed? The deed? Are we in a Porkys movie? I’ve stopped keeping track of this sort of thing. It’s all the same event, so what’s the difference when one part ends and the other starts, as long as everyone ends happy?

Do you get off first or do they? My man is a champion. Any questions? And first implies that there aren’t any follow ups. That implication would be mistaken.

Do you like kissing during sex? Duh. Sex without kissing is like an ice cream cone with no ice cream in it. What’s the point?

Do you moan? If so, are you loud or quiet? In for a dime, in for a dollar. No sense being quiet. Although I have bitten some pillows in my time.

Do you prefer your partner to be loud or quiet? I have no objections to some noise, but it’s not necessary.

Does size matter? Not an issue for me, since I get all I can handle. I’ve never been put off or turned on solely by size though. I think a lot of guys worry about it a lot, but they’d be further ahead to think about size less and technique more, since they can only control one. 

How old were you when you lost your virginity? 18, the summer after graduation. In a camper out by the lake. It’s not like it sounds; it was a nice camper, a great guy, a bunch of my friends were camping with us (but in their own tents/campers/etc!), and a rainy night added to the perfectness of it. Sure I’m probably remembering through rose colored glasses, but it really was nice. 

Have you ever had a 3-some? 4-some? 5-some? Are we counting in-the-room or active-participation here?

What does your favorite foreplay include? Everything. Kissing, oral, rubbing, touching, licking, holding, and everything else I can think of. And I’m a good thinker. 

Do you ever play with yourself during the act?  During. Before. After. As a show. Instead of.

Do you prefer to sleep with random hookups or one person? One. But my world is rocked enough that I don’t feel bummed about this. Besides I have an active fantasy life, and I can write myself any experience I want.

Have you ever done anal? If so, did you like it? I’ve tried it, and it didn’t change my life or anything like that, but it wasn’t the worst thing either. 

When and where was your wildest sex ever? I may have to think about this one….maybe a separate entry….

What’s your ultimate sexual fantasy?Buy my book!

Have you ever done porn? Homemade, yup.

Have you ever had sex for money? No. Maybe a new career choice? Just kidding. Although I am willing to write about it for money.

Have you ever had sex for drugs/alcohol? No. We mostly do it because there’s nothing good on tv. And there’s NEVER anything good on tv. Not in our house anyway.

Have you ever bribed someone to sleep with you? I trade sex for favors all the time. But I guess it doesn’t count since the sex would still be offered even without the favors.

Is the sex still good when you’re cheating? Cheating is never good. In fact it’s cancer to a relationship. Fantasy is one thing, but real life lies like this are toxic. 

During sex… what are you thinking about? Taxes and stuff. Seriously?  I think about sex. My mind can wander of course, and adulthood gives us a never-ending conveyor belt of bills, appointments, deadlines, etc, but I don’t dwell on those thoughts. Sex is one of my escapes from life. Why spoil it?

Do you prefer the top or the bottom at first? I think mostly my preferences are dictated by the energy of the moment. 

How many positions do you like to do during one episode? It depends. If it’s morning or some other time where the clock is an issue we stick to one or two. Otherwise the sky is the limit.

Do you ever worry about how you’re pleasing your partner? I make an effort to, but I don’t worry about it. We do a pretty good job at taking care of each other. Usually I come at least twice, often more, and frequently much, much more, but sometimes not at all. Rarely he’ll be the one who just can’t get there. We communicate pretty good, and we’re both okay to tell the other ‘it’s not working for me tonight, so let’s get you where you need to be.’

Could you live without sex? I could, but you can’t hold me to this answer.

How often do you find sex boring? Trick question, right?

Have you ever had sex with someone of the same gender? Nope.

How long does a typical sexual episode last for you? Do people watch the clock?  Seriously?

Do you like to perform oral sex? I sure do.

Do you like to receive oral sex? Another trick question I’m sure. I mean DUH.

Have you ever taped yourself in the act? Yes. But we always erase them. I have a super paranoid fear of them ending up in the wrong hands and then on the internet. And with my luck that would be the week my parents figure out how to work the interwebs.

Have you ever had interracial sex? Yes. But not because it was a chance to have interracial sex. Because he was smart, funny, and awesome, and we got along really well and had fun dating each other.

Have you ever been caught in the act? If so, by whom? Buy my book! Or ask nice enough and I’ll write about it here.

Have you ever had sex while at work? No. But is the place that lets this happen taking applications? I guess if you worked at Holiday Inn it would technically be possible to do this without repercussions. Or if you worked from home. Wait a minute….one summer I worked from home. So I guess my answer is yes!

Have you ever had sex while at school? Not actually in a classroom or anything.

What is something that you would never consider doing? Bestiality.

Have you ever had sex on drugs? Does Tylenol count?

Would you ever have sex in public? Yes, but the real event wasn’t super awesome. However I’ve written a highly fictionalized version, that you’ll enjoy reading about much much more.

What’s your biggest turn-on? Being tied up and worked over with my favorite toys while I struggle to hold in all noise and not change my facial expression. .

Do you spit or swallow? When I was five my mother told me that ladies don’t spit. She might not have been talking about sex, but I’m definitely a lady.

How many times have you gotten off in one night? I’m lucky enough that it really happened, and unlucky enough that you’d call me a liar. 

Would you let other people watch you have sex live? If I couldn’t see them and they really wanted to, why not?  I can’t imagine anyone wanting to, but if I didn’t have to see them while I was doing it, sure.

Have you have ever sex in front of your best friend? I’ve had sex WITH my best friend… how’s that? Of course it’s a cliché, but to make it up to you I’ll share this with you; my college roommate and I, very young, very inexperienced, and very curious about sex, once set up the guys we were dating (ONE AT A TIME!!! ON SEPARATE NIGHTS!!!) to do it while the other pretended to sleep 10 feet away. This wasn’t for kink purposes, as much as a sort of note-comparing/information gathering experience. The guys knew nothing about this, and still don’t. 

Have you ever had sex with your best friend’s b/f or g/f? No. Besides, don’t you stop being friends the moment you put your business anywhere near their significant others genitals?

Do you ever have sex in the shower? Yep. Of course it usually starts there and ends in the bed, or starts/finishes in the bed and starts again in the shower.

What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever done it? A deserted pier overlooking the water on a vacation. We were sharing a room with friends for economic reasons, so we sought other late night accommodations. Three nights in a row. 

What was the biggest age difference with a partner? The biggest I cared about was six years when I was twenty two and he was twenty eight. There have been others, but I stopped seeing age as a difference at some point. 

Do you feel you are up to par in bed? Above par! At least that’s what the guy who makes me coffee every morning tells me! 

Are you still gonna have sex when your 70? I hope so! Imagine how far Viagra and stuff will have evolved in the next 37 years? 

What was your most embarrassing sexual moment? Mostly just the ordinary occasional body sounds where you look at each other and say, “did you seriously just fart?”

How old is “too young” to have sex your in opinion? Who wrote that question?  Under the age of 18 is too young in my opinion simply because they’re not equipped to deal with any of the possible consequences. I’m not on a moral high horse or anything, and totally realize that each individual is unique in their maturity and grasp of emotions. And since everyone matures differently, some 17/18 year olds have enough maturity to handle a real adult relationship with adult emotions, while some who are almost 30 (or older) still haven’t figured out how to balance it.

Do you like to be completely naked or half-assed? Naked is great because there’s nothing in the way.  Partially dressed is great for those quickies or dress-up moments.

Have you ever done it at your grandparent’s? No.

Have you ever done it on a boat/yacht? In a canoe once. And once in a rubber raft in a swimming pool. If anyone wants to loan me a yacht let me know.

Do you like having sex in cars? If so, driver seat, passenger, or back? No. I suppose I wouldn’t be totally against it, but there are so many better places.  

Do you use protection as often as you should? Yes.

Have any of your one-night stands resulted in a child that you know of? I’m a nerd. I just corrected the grammar in this sentence. I’ve answered these questions quickly and without using complete sentences, but the grammar in this sentence bugged me so much I fixed it. And the answer is no.

If you’re over 18, have you ever had sex with someone under 18? No. Ick.

Do you prefer to sleep with someone older or younger than you?Once you’re past twenty five or so does it really matter? 

What’s the perfect size? Since orgasms and fun are the desired result; whatever causes orgasms and fun.

Have you ever done bondage sex (chains, whips, etc.)? If not, would you? No chains or whips, but hands tied, yes.

Have you ever slept with someone out of pity? No

If you could sleep with ANYONE, who would it be? I’m a writer. I can write myself having sex with anyone I want.